From the Carter Home Laboratory
One time a confident, gregarious little girl who had visited with her mother once before, visited my home a second time.? My daughter who leans toward the bashful side, hid from the girl.??Confused, the little girl asked me, Why is she mad at me??

This little girl, who was not the least bit intimidated or at a loss for words in social situations, could not conceive of what shyness was.? Her only explanation of why someone would hide from someone else was that they must be mad.

I wonder how much of life’s tension and anxiety stems from placing our interpretive grid over top of others actions based upon our own temperament?

According to the AP and the Fort Worth Star Telegram, “Abdiwali Abdiqadir Muse grew up destitute in Somalia, the oldest of 12 children and the product of a violent, lawless nation where his parents scraped together a few dollars a day selling milk and tending to a small herd of camels, cows and goats.”

“He eventually joined a gang of pirates who laid siege to an American cargo ship and took the captain hostage before three of them were killed by Navy snipers. Muse survived but was stabbed in the hand with a knife, telling a crew member after the attack that it was always his dream to come to America.”

The 18 year-old has?made it to America, charged with piracy, conspiracy, and brandishing and firing a gun during a conspiracy.

Cognitive Trajectory Appears Early
I’ve contended that high potential shows itself at a young age.? My children could tell me in kindergarten who the “smartest” kid in class was.? They are pretty matter of fact about it.? Research shows that those on a high potential cognitive trajectory will continue on a steeper cognitive development slope than most throughout their lives.? Interestingly, we think once we hit adulthood, all differences are nullified and?anybody can be anything with a little training and determination.

Although this philosophy is used as encouragement and liberation, I think it leaves many feeling frustrated and inadequate and others prideful and judgmental, but I digress.

A Mother Knows
Back to the?AP story, “The details of Muse?s life are murky, with his parents in Somalia insisting that he was tricked into getting involved in piracy. His mother said he was “wise beyond his years” ? a child who ignored other boys his age who tried to tease him and got lost in books instead.”

I’m OK.? You’re OK.? Let’s fix the system.

What has your experience been?

A client who is undergoing a Requisite Organization implementation received the following question from an employee, and I helped craft a response.? Hierarchy bashing is en vogue these days, but what is the basis for it?

With more companies moving away from hierarchy-type organizations, how is a deeply more pronounced hierarchy at ClientCompany going to make it more effective?

What Requisite Organization is NOT
This question is based upon an untrue but common?perception. ?Requisite Organization is not about creating a more pronounced hierarchy. Too many layers within an organization slows down decisions and confuses people, but too few layers is not the solution?either.??Having too few layers?impedes understanding and leaves some lost and others left to cover multiple layers of work.

What Requisite Organization IS
Requisite Organization is about understanding hierarchy and building one that will facilitate work and communication.? If you are in the Carolina area, why not join me for a three hour introductory Requisite Organization course on June 6?

I will post my specific response tomorrow.? I’m OK.? You’re OK.? Let’s fix the system.

Are you confused about Requisite Organization?

When we realize that people rarely do things “to us”, “at us”, “because of us”, but rather because of what is going on inside their interior world, we then need NOT take things personally.?

When we don’t take things personally, we do not judge others and build resentment.?

When we do not judge others and build resentments, we do not sabotage our relationships and set them into a vicious downward spiral of unhelpful stories that we play in our heads about one another.?

Once?we decide someone is petty or mean or prideful, we?then frame all their actions to fit our “profile” of them.

For example, when someone ignores us, we can decide, she doesn’t like me (notice the me focus) or we can assume they didn’t see us, were distracted, didn’t feel like talking, etc.? If?I were to make the first assumption, then my relationship with that person will be negatively affected in the future.? If I don’t take it personally, the next time I see the person, we still have a clean slate.

If your husband doesn’t take you on dates, you could decide it’s because he doesn’t love you, or you make the observation that he simply prefers to stay at home.? Which is the more helpful perspective?

How many relationships have we damaged at work and in our personal lives by making things about us?

I remember sitting in her office one day as she ran down this extensive list, and I was thinking, “Man, some of those things I could live with, but I don’t know if I could give up cheese.? I’m glad I don’t have any of those ailments;?she must lead a difficult life….”

Nothing is Neither Good Nor Bad, but Thinking Makes It So – Shakespeare
As I was thinking these things, she looked at me and smiled and said something along the lines of, “God must have a plan for me to live a long, full life since he is keeping me away from these things that are not good for my body.”

I remember being shocked by her cheerful, grateful approach to what I was seeing as a major burden and inconvenience.

What’s the point?? If you can’t change your less-than-desirable circumstances, you can change the way you look at them.?

Is the story you are telling yourself about a troublesome circumstance helpful?

Thank you to my colleague, Jim Hines,?a Systems Dynamics?consultant,?for posing that powerful question.

An Ironic Burden or an Intentional Design?
Unfortunately, generally these high potential leaders?lack the knowledge, skills, and experience to be effective in roles such as these.? It used to be that high potentials had little choice but to pay their dues as they worked their way up the ladder.? Now, they can create a website, appoint themselves president, and go, go, go.? There is nothing wrong with this; however, the percentage of flameouts (personal and/or professional)?for those who are actually successful overnight?is extremely high.

The Danger of Being a Young, High Potential Leader
A post on Epic Living got me thinking about how for a young high potential, waiting to be “tapped” into leadership can feel like being a racehorse trapped in a 10 x 10 pen.? This got me thinking about one of my favorite quotes which I think is from Edwin Louis Cole:

“A man’s talent can take him where his character cannot sustain him.”

I Wouldn’t Wish Overnight Success on Anyone
Overnight success is a seductive concept, but I am not sure humans were designed for it.? Consider, the dismal aftermath of winning the lottery for most, or for child actors, or sports celebrities.? This may be what we are seeing with our overcompensated CEOs, and our politicians who rise to the top more due to their pop star image than their?wise sage composition.

Leadership Advice I Wish Someone Would have Given Me
Overnight success might befall you, but in the meantime, if you are going to have to wait anyway, embrace the wait time as a character building experience that just might make your eventual success sustainable.? If you have to wait to earn your success, you will likely?embrace it humbly, and then use your position, power, or prestige for the benefit of humanity.?

True leaders serve.

What is the Alternative?
Your other choice is to internally grind, resent others, and create a toxic life for yourself and those around you during your wait time.? Living your life in a “just as soon as… state” means you are not living your life.

Which will you choose?? Which did you choose?

Now that system fixing is en vogue, system fixers are too.? They are being invited to all the big events.? Can?you spot your favorite executive leadership management consultant in the crowd??? Hint:?Look for the red arrow.

I’m OK.? You’re OK.? Let’s fix the system.

Thanks to MyInauguralPhoto.com

Thanksgiving provides us an opportunity to remind ourselves that things do not make for happiness.

Gratitude Research
Dr. Robert A. Emmons wrote a book, thanks!,?detailing his research on gratitude.? His ten-week experiment involved three groups.

1. The first group was asked to write down five things that happended in the last week for which they were grateful.
2. The second group was asked to write down five daily hassles from the previous week.
3. The third group simply listed five events that had occurred in the last week, but not told to focus on positive or negative aspects.

Happiness Increased 25%
People who were in the gratitude group (#1) felt fully 25% happier – they were more optimistic about the future, they felt better about their lives and they even did almost 1.5 hours more exercise a week than those in the hassles group?(#2)?or events condition group (#3).

Whether it is Thanksgiving in your native land today or not, taking a gratitude posture seems to be a healthy idea.

Thank You
I’m off to spend the weekend with family in Richmond, Virginia.? I thank you for your support and readership!? See you next week.

My client used a term for?a non-yes woman the other day that was so spot on that I can’t get it out of my head.? I wasn’t sure where the term fell on the offense continuum so I did some research and Webster says the term can be vulgar.? So therefore, it is not always.? Please take this as one of the not always instances.? Disclaimer:? This post is not necessarily a reflection of the views or vocabulary of my sponsors.? :)

I’m Big Enough to Take It
We all like to think that we are “big” enough to want others to confront and challenge us, but the reality is that in the face of it, we often become defensive, offended, and begin to revile the (here comes the term) turd in the punchbowl.

Loyal versus Principled?
Joe Lieberman is dealing with being a turd in the punchbowl as we speak.? Interesting question, should loyalty trump standing for your principles?? No one knows what to do with him.?? Obama is having to make decisions about whether he wants opposing viewpoints represented in his cabinet.

Turds for Hire
Consultants are often hired to play this role in the organization so as to protect those on the inside.? Bloggers seem to?revel in playing the role.

Laugh a Little – We’re All Human
All of this talk reminds of a scene from Caddyshack.? I couldn’t find one clip so I included two short ones.?

The first 44-second clip shows a typical emotional reaction to a “turd in the punchbowl”.??

The second shows that although a turd may often be a fall guy, it may not be as evil as we portray it to be.? Take another 33 seconds out to laugh at Bill Murray.

The Lonely Life of a Turd

Turds – Not as Bad as We Make Them Out to Be?

Are you a yes man or a turd in the punchbowl?