Performance Evaluation One Liners - A Friday Funny

By Michelle Malay Carter on June 12, 2008

What you’d really like to say…

Bright as Alaska in December.
A room temperature IQ.
One neuron short of a synapse.
Still one step ahead of the law.
He’s so dense, light bends around him.
This person is not really so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won’t-be.
Needs a new title, e.g., jester, dunce, former employee, etc.
Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train just isn’t coming.
A clock watcher who’s in a different time zone than the rest of us.
This employee should go far — and the sooner he starts, the better.
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
Has a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
Has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
It’s hard to believe he beat out a million other sperm.
If brains were taxed, she’d get a large refund.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargles.
I wouldn’t allow this employee to breed.
This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Has two brains: One is lost, the other is out looking for it.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.
Finds twenty reasons to do anything except original task.
Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a child.
Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking.
Needs more to do. Might I be so bold as to suggest looking for a job?

What do wish you could have said?

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