The Amazing Talent Management Solution Calculator – A Friday Funny

By Michelle Malay Carter on February 5, 2009 

Calculating Talent Management SolutionsFinally,?we can do talent management strictly by the numbers.??Just imagine, solutions based upon an amazing,?recently discovered,?ancient Chinese algorithm.

Sweet Success
Organizations the world over are finding their way back to health, prosperity, and employee engagement after choosing the solution suggested via the algorithm.

Instructions:

-Choose your most pressing problem from the list below:

  1. Our engagement numbers are horrific.
  2. We dump a lot of money into training, but it isn’t helping.
  3. Everyone is working, but nothing is getting done.? We’re inefficient, ineffective and inconsistent.
  4. Our managers can’t seem to think strategically.? They get stuck in the day to day.
  5. We have no clue how to match people to roles, and turnover is high.
  6. We have no clue how to evaluate our current talent for development or succession purposes.
  7. We redesign our organization every two years but that doesn’t seem to be helping anything.
  8. Our leadership development training doesn’t seem to help.? We still have micromanagers, aloof managers and everything in between.
  9. We can’t seem to execute our plans, and no one is ever held accountable.

-Take the number of your most pressing problem and multiply by 3

-Add 3 to your result,

-Take that result and again multiply by 3

-Your result will be?a 2 or 3 digit number.

-Add the digits together.

-Use this final result to discover the talent management solution listed below that will work for your specific situation!? And, if that’s not enough, I’ll throw in a set of ginsu knives.

  1. Give everyone in the organization a 360 degree feedback assessment.
  2. Offer subsidized daycare, free dry cleaning, and lunchtime yoga classes.
  3. Send each department into the wilderness for teambuilding.
  4. Offer bonuses.
  5. Offer group bonuses because everyone likes their livelihood tied to others.
  6. Fire the bottom 10% every year.
  7. Put all major issues up for a vote.
  8. Invite all levels and all departments to meetings and strive for consensus.
  9. Institute a Requisite total-systems approach to talent management, organization design and managerial leadershiprooted in work levels science.? Pair it with Requisite accountabilities and authorities.
  10. Outsource your talent management.

I’m OK.? You’re OK.? Let’s fix the system.

Filed Under Accountability, Employee Engagement, Managerial Leadership, Organization Design, Requisite Organization, Talent Management, Work Levels

Comments

Comments are closed.